Saturday, November 13, 2004
I was boss yesterday at work, after going out to the work thing the night before... it didn't go well. Started off the day with mostly junior staff except for nurse M who has returned from holidays...Joy....not. Unfortunately I was put as boss over here so the whole thing got off on the wrong foot, she is about 20yrs my senior and has that much extra experience, but the boss knew she was not trustable to do the job so I was the next best thing. ARGH!
So we got hand over and I allocated, new grad on her second rotation, very scary, she didn't even know how a normal gravity feed drip worked...eeep, but I had to give her a patient load cause we didn't have enough staff that she could be supernumery for another day. So I had to keep an eye on her for starters. The night staff had decided that we were possibly getting the gastro bug, a few patients had diarrhoea so i had to call infection control and get that sorted out between the meetings that the "in charge" is sposed to attend. So i didn't get to check into it properly and when the infection control boss came round and questioned the patients it was found that it was very unlikely they had gastro anyways... so I looked like a proper idiot.
Got a screaming headache midmorning and felt horrible to only work out a little while later that it is period time and thats why I felt like shit, It went away partially with some panadol. So about mid morning, if all the other shit is not enough, I caught nurse M having a go at the trainee EN. I only got the end of the conversation, and although nurse M was right in what she was telling the TEN she was very obnoxious in the way she told her. The TEN promptly turned around and went away crying. I went to a meeting and the educator for our ward came and found me at the end of the meeting, we walked off the ward and talked about the situation, apparently M had a go at one of the RN's as well. I am half her age and only acting "in charge", how the hell am I sposed to go to her and say, "Stop doing what you are doing"? She is likely to ignore me or go off in a huff, she doesn't try this shit when our NUM is around... BLEH. So I talked to Scott our educator about her and he said he would have a go talking to her about it, well he tried but she just brushed him off and ignored it, so he went higher up and talked to the big boss about it, we all know that nurse M is on her last warning, so the only way we can get something done is to write incident forms about her. They will most likely be expecting incident forms about her all next week because our NUM is away and I am sure she will try more of this shit on with our acting NUM Scott. Its so frustrating because they have given her so many warnings and done so much stuff to reeducate her and try and make her better and nothing is working and they still haven't properly addressed it and fired her. I know it is becoming increasingly difficult to fire people but sometimes ya just need to bite the bullet.
Anyways, everything got done and people got discharged and all was okay, came home, got my period, feel like shit today. Aunty Marg and Uncle Rod went to Thailand early this morning and I have called in sick, I feel like shit, belly is aching and I just couldn't face having to go to fucking work again. Do I get moody when my period hits? Hell yeah, does that change what I am actually feeling? Definately not. It may amplify certain feelings, but deep down, it doesn't change things.
I haven't written about the heparin incident because I get the feeling I dwell on things too much. I fixate on what I think people are thinking about me, or things that have gone wrong and then I can't get them out of my head and it makes me feel the feelings I felt then and that is not a good thing. I guess I hide from what I am thinking and feeling, but if I didn't some days it would consume me and I would be truly and utterly insane. I can't keep regretting those things that I have done wrong or that have come out wrong or that I have thought I was judged on, regret doesn't change things and my new years resolution was that "I will no longer worry my life away".
Yeah wish i could believe it most days.
Anyways, am gonna go back to reading now.
Laters
So we got hand over and I allocated, new grad on her second rotation, very scary, she didn't even know how a normal gravity feed drip worked...eeep, but I had to give her a patient load cause we didn't have enough staff that she could be supernumery for another day. So I had to keep an eye on her for starters. The night staff had decided that we were possibly getting the gastro bug, a few patients had diarrhoea so i had to call infection control and get that sorted out between the meetings that the "in charge" is sposed to attend. So i didn't get to check into it properly and when the infection control boss came round and questioned the patients it was found that it was very unlikely they had gastro anyways... so I looked like a proper idiot.
Got a screaming headache midmorning and felt horrible to only work out a little while later that it is period time and thats why I felt like shit, It went away partially with some panadol. So about mid morning, if all the other shit is not enough, I caught nurse M having a go at the trainee EN. I only got the end of the conversation, and although nurse M was right in what she was telling the TEN she was very obnoxious in the way she told her. The TEN promptly turned around and went away crying. I went to a meeting and the educator for our ward came and found me at the end of the meeting, we walked off the ward and talked about the situation, apparently M had a go at one of the RN's as well. I am half her age and only acting "in charge", how the hell am I sposed to go to her and say, "Stop doing what you are doing"? She is likely to ignore me or go off in a huff, she doesn't try this shit when our NUM is around... BLEH. So I talked to Scott our educator about her and he said he would have a go talking to her about it, well he tried but she just brushed him off and ignored it, so he went higher up and talked to the big boss about it, we all know that nurse M is on her last warning, so the only way we can get something done is to write incident forms about her. They will most likely be expecting incident forms about her all next week because our NUM is away and I am sure she will try more of this shit on with our acting NUM Scott. Its so frustrating because they have given her so many warnings and done so much stuff to reeducate her and try and make her better and nothing is working and they still haven't properly addressed it and fired her. I know it is becoming increasingly difficult to fire people but sometimes ya just need to bite the bullet.
Anyways, everything got done and people got discharged and all was okay, came home, got my period, feel like shit today. Aunty Marg and Uncle Rod went to Thailand early this morning and I have called in sick, I feel like shit, belly is aching and I just couldn't face having to go to fucking work again. Do I get moody when my period hits? Hell yeah, does that change what I am actually feeling? Definately not. It may amplify certain feelings, but deep down, it doesn't change things.
I haven't written about the heparin incident because I get the feeling I dwell on things too much. I fixate on what I think people are thinking about me, or things that have gone wrong and then I can't get them out of my head and it makes me feel the feelings I felt then and that is not a good thing. I guess I hide from what I am thinking and feeling, but if I didn't some days it would consume me and I would be truly and utterly insane. I can't keep regretting those things that I have done wrong or that have come out wrong or that I have thought I was judged on, regret doesn't change things and my new years resolution was that "I will no longer worry my life away".
Yeah wish i could believe it most days.
Anyways, am gonna go back to reading now.
Laters
1:27 AM
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Writing since January 2003!
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BJ T now was S
Born in April on the 21st!
Australian but living in the USA.
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